I heard that blogging can be somewhat therapeutic. Well, I need therapy. Or a spa day, that would be nice.
I'm bitter sometimes, man. I'm so angry about the fact that my ex's girlfriend is pregnant, and I'm so upset that it's a girl. What kind of crap is this? Life shouldn't be so unfair. After everything they've put me through, I don't feel like evil people like that should be blessed with that kind of happiness much less the privilege of being a parent. And really? She just had to have a girl!!? On top of having been so evil to me during my pregnancy, having her man by her side to go to all the doctor appointments, having her man by her side during the birth. On top of all that she's REALLY having a girl!!? I just can't get over it. I'm so angry that I'm alone, a single mother, a relatively good person, and even sleaze like her get blessings like that.
I'm tired of being lonely. And I'm tired of that bitch (there, I said it!) trying to one up me on everything. She stole her man back - I could handle that. She borderline stalked me during my pregnancy - I recovered. She got pregnant because she knew I was - it stung, but I came to terms. But I don't know if I can deal with this. I mean, do you single mothers out there understand how I feel or am I just crazy? Would you be upset if you were in my shoes?
I really shouldn't care. I mean, ex bf isn't Sophia's father (praise the heavens! -- not like her dad is much better, though) but he made such a terrible mark on my life and the both of them together were so evil to me that I was hoping that maybe, just MAYBE, some sort of poetic justice would be done. But nope. That's the price I pay for dating losers, and it's also the price I pay for living the lifestyle I used to. Living like that doesn't attract very wholesome people. Thank goodness I got my life together, but things from my past still sting nonetheless.
I think the main problem behind these feelings is that I had never been so emotionally involved with anyone before. And because of that he's still so prominent in my mind. I haven't had anybody who could replace him yet. I think that is what magnifies the hurt. Any other ex I could get over, because they didn't mean nearly as much to me. But he did, and being second best to him really, really sucked. It's something I still haven't fully recovered from. I need to work on that.
It just upsets me and honestly hurts my feelings that people like them get off so easily in life.
Know what I need? A hot shower, a cup of tea, a blanket and a movie. Oh, and for sleaze one and sleaze two to drop off the face of the earth. That would be nice.(:
There! There's my rant and now I have all of that negativity out of my system! And I can focus on snuggling up to my sweet baby who is simply too wonderful for words! Whew! They were right, blogging is super therapeutic (; highly recommend it!