Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Sophie's First Halloween!

Okay so Sophia wasn't exactly sure what to think of this whole Halloween thing! She wasn't really into trick or treating, but she did pretty well for how crummy she was feeling today. She's cutting teeth, so, poor thing just didn't have the best time. But! We have officially begun the base for our holiday traditions and I couldn't be more excited! It was fun dressing up too, I hadn't done that in years! The holidays are def more fun with Sophia here (:

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I heard that blogging can be somewhat therapeutic. Well, I need therapy. Or a spa day, that would be nice.

I'm bitter sometimes, man. I'm so angry about the fact that my ex's girlfriend is pregnant, and I'm so upset that it's a girl. What kind of crap is this? Life shouldn't be so unfair. After everything they've put me through, I don't feel like evil people like that should be blessed with that kind of happiness much less the privilege of being a parent. And really? She just had to have a girl!!? On top of having been so evil to me during my pregnancy, having her man by her side to go to all the doctor appointments, having her man by her side during the birth. On top of all that she's REALLY having a girl!!? I just can't get over it. I'm so angry that I'm alone, a single mother, a relatively good person, and even sleaze like her get blessings like that.

I'm tired of being lonely. And I'm tired of that bitch (there, I said it!) trying to one up me on everything. She stole her man back - I could handle that. She borderline stalked me during my pregnancy - I recovered. She got pregnant because she knew I was - it stung, but I came to terms. But I don't know if I can deal with this. I mean, do you single mothers out there understand how I feel or am I just crazy? Would you be upset if you were in my shoes?

I really shouldn't care. I mean, ex bf isn't Sophia's father (praise the heavens! -- not like her dad is much better, though) but he made such a terrible mark on my life and the both of them together were so evil to me that I was hoping that maybe, just MAYBE, some sort of poetic justice would be done. But nope. That's the price I pay for dating losers, and it's also the price I pay for living the lifestyle I used to. Living like that doesn't attract very wholesome people. Thank goodness I got my life together, but things from my past still sting nonetheless.

I think the main problem behind these feelings is that I had never been so emotionally involved with anyone before. And because of that he's still so prominent in my mind. I haven't had anybody who could replace him yet. I think that is what magnifies the hurt. Any other ex I could get over, because they didn't mean nearly as much to me. But he did, and being second best to him really, really sucked. It's something I still haven't fully recovered from. I need to work on that.

It just upsets me and honestly hurts my feelings that people like them get off so easily in life.

Know what I need? A hot shower, a cup of tea, a blanket and a movie. Oh, and for sleaze one and sleaze two to drop off the face of the earth. That would be nice.(:

There! There's my rant and now I have all of that negativity out of my system! And I can focus on snuggling up to my sweet baby who is simply too wonderful for words! Whew! They were right, blogging is super therapeutic (; highly recommend it!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Being a Single Mom is Hard When...

  • It's hours past your baby's bedtime, she won't stop screaming, you have a massive headache, and all you need is a BREAK. But there's no one there to relieve you, because, well, you're a single mom.
  • You see baby daddy (or, in my case, sperm donor) having the time of his life being as irresponsible as he can be, not a care in the world, because he doesn't have the balls to admit he has a child.
  • You see your ex-boyfriend and his pregnant girlfriend, who made your life a living hell during the first half of your pregnancy, together, seemingly happy, and you think to yourself "Why does she have her baby daddy standing by her side, and I did not?". 
  • Or, for that matter, when you see any happy couple with their little one. And it breaks your heart because you know you can't give your daughter a complete family, yet.
  • Those times when your child does something amazing (which is like every day) and you wish the guy who helped you create that child was there to enjoy the moment with you.
  • When you're lonely. Period.
  • When everyone around you is getting married. 
 Being a single mom is freakin' awesome when...
  • You know you don't have to share this special little person with someone you're not even with, or even like.
  • The ass hole who did help you create your little one isn't in your daughter's life, and therefore he can't do anything to hurt her.
  • You have complete control over how she is parented, no fighting with BD.
  • When everytime she looks at you, and her whole face lights up, you know that look is meant only for you.
  • Those nights when it's hours past her bedtime, she won't stop screaming, you have a massive headache, and you're so glad that on top of everything, you don't have a lazy BD sound asleep in the next room while you're putting in all the work.
  • When you're lonely and you want to snuggle, and there's a presh little baby who loves nothing more than to snuggle up to her mama in the middle of the night.
  • When you see couples fighting, and you think "I am so glad I don't have to deal with that boy drama on top of everything else I have going on."
  • When you realize that yeah, the pregnant girl has your ex-boyfriend standing by her side when you didn't have that, but that's okay. Because they both drew the short stick in life, and they deserve what they got when they chose each other.
  • When you realize that no, your daughter doesn't have a dad right now. But that's okay, because it's better to wait for an amazing man to come into the picture than to settle. Because your daughter deserves the best, and only the best.
Being a single mom is hard. But damn, I love it!

And on that note.. 

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Little Munchkin Got a Pumpkin!

Yesterday at Swore Farms, while we were lost in the corn maze, my mom and sisters got Sophia the cutest baby pumpkin from the patch! Seriously, it's the cutest pumpkin ever. So today, we brought it in from the car and placed it in front of her. Her eyes immediately lit up with that sweet awe and wonder little babies get. I placed it in her outstretched arms and what did she do with it? Put it up to her mouth of course! Because if it looks pretty or makes noise, we must taste it. What's so cool, too, is that since she was a newborn, orange has seemed to be the color she enjoys the most. So I think the color of the pumpkin as well as the fact that it's something new just appeals to her so much. Watching her play with that pumpkin is so fun! Her eyes and face just light up with surprise and amusement as she rolls it back and forth. How fun is it to watch little children learn and grow? I just love it. Now I have to decide what fun things we're going to do to that pumpkin!

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Sophia's First Corn Maze!

Today, my family and I took Sophia to Swore Farms here in Pocatello for the corn maze. She was such a doll! I bundled her up in her cozy hat and jacket and her favorite blankie, and we ventured into the corn! It was sweet how relaxed she was as Olivia, Sam, and I navigated the maze. It was really cool how Swore Farms set it up. There were a series of trivia questions that we had to answer correctly in order to know which way to go, which made it especially interesting since we got nearly every single question wrong. As it got darker and as we became more and more lost, we saw my mom, Tori, and Lacy (thankfully!) show up to help us find our way out. I honestly don't think we would have made it out without them. Afterward, we decided to go on the hay ride. I had such a blast doing these activities with my Sophia! Fall is definitely much more fun with little ones. About halfway through the hay ride Sophia had just about had it with the day! She was getting pretty chilly --she had lost one of her socks in the corn maze-- and overall she was hungry and tired. What a fun day it was though! I can't wait to begin and share more traditions with her <3 love her so much.