Thanksgiving!!!

Okay, so maybe I got a little sidetracked and completely forgot to do the full "22 days of thankfulness thing". But! I have so very much to be grateful for, today and everyday. Here's a little list I've come up with of things in my life I'm just so thankful for:

1. The first one is def a given. I am eternally grateful for my brilliant, healthy, strong, feisty, strong willed, positively gorgeous daughter! My Sophia is everything to me. She saved my life, and without her my life would be utterly meaningless. I love her so much, and spending her first Thanksgiving with her was such a joy!

Also, I just have to say I made her dress this year, and it was so stinkin' cute, oh my gosh!

 

2. I'm grateful for my amazing, supportive family. Most single moms out there don't have the never ending support from their family, but I do. I don't think I could do this without them. Even if I could, I wouldn't be half the mother I am. Not only do they help me financially and emotionally, but they bless my daughter because her mom is not a stressed one.

3. I'm grateful that on cold nights like this one I have a warm, cozy house and the best bed ever to sleep in. With the cutest little girl to snuggle up to. 

4. I'm grateful for my sisters! My best friends, whom I couldn't live without. Laughter is the best medicine, and man do those girls make me laugh!

5. I'm grateful for my brothers. Such sweet boys, and what great examples! They always have my back, and even though we all fight like crazy, we love each other and would do anything for each other.

6. Above all, I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father and the gospel. I know with my whole heart it's true. God has been good to me, and has blessed me in so many ways. I'm thankful for the Atonement. I'm thankful that Christ died for my sins so that even after everything, I have the chance to create a new life. One that I can be proud of, and one that my sweet daughter deserves. I'm also grateful that through Christ I was able to completely turn my life around. I owe it to my daughter, she deserves nothing but the best and through the gospel I can give her that.

It goes without saying that I have much more to be grateful for, but list would take days! So, here are the top 6. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Day 3 of Thankfulness!

Today I would like to share how grateful I am for prayer. In those times of darkness, when I long for peace, prayer is what provides that for me. When something wonderful happens in my life, and my heart is so full of gratitude, prayer is how I express and give thanks. Very few in people in my life I can tell everything and anything to, but my Heavenly Father is always there for me. I know he hears me and answers my prayers. Too many wonderful and miraculous things have happened to me that I know were because I prayed. I wouldn't be able to deny it even if I wanted to. I wouldn't be where I am today without prayer, I know that with all of my heart.

22 (I think?) days of Thanksgiving! Days 1 and 2.

Day 1.
I am so, so grateful for my healthy, strong, beautiful, intelligent baby girl! I'm so thankful her little body and mind are so healthy and strong, and I'm thankful for her natural curiosity. I'm thankful for her spitfire personality, she's just absolutely hilarious. Above everything I'm thankful she's mine forever. I'm thankful for how she's changed my life in every way possible, in the most amazing way. She's my whole world, and I wouldn't go back and change anything that led to her being here. All the heartache was well worth it, and I feel like somehow it's made me appreciate her even more. It's taught me that through great trials and sorrows come the pure joys in life. A lesson I need to never forget.

Day 2.
Something very special happened to me today, and I feel the need to share how something so simple has changed my life. A couple posts ago I went on a vent of sort on my ex and his new girlfriend. How I was still so bitter about everything that's happened, how I was treated, and that she's having a girl too. Well today as I was on my facebook I noticed a message had come through. Not really thinking anything of it --I mean, why would I?-- I clicked to see I had received a message from said ex's girlfriend. It was a sincere, heartfelt apology on everything that has happened. Her reactions, her anger towards me, the way she handled things. I had to take a few hours to think about what I was going to say. The email was so unexpected and I'd never really thought about what I would say if I had the chance. Well, not in such a positive situation, anyway. So I thought about it and sent a letter back, accepting her apology without being a pushover but without being harsh at the same time. Anyway, it's been a huge weight lifted off my chest. I feel like I can breathe a little easier, and I think we both really, really needed that freedom. I do, however, still harbor some jealousy. I think that's something I'll have to get over in time, something that won't go away over night. But this has absolutely been a step in the right direction for me. I feel like it's a giant leap towards the moving on process, and I'm definitely on the way to finally healing and just getting the heck over it!

Sophie's First Halloween!

Okay so Sophia wasn't exactly sure what to think of this whole Halloween thing! She wasn't really into trick or treating, but she did pretty well for how crummy she was feeling today. She's cutting teeth, so, poor thing just didn't have the best time. But! We have officially begun the base for our holiday traditions and I couldn't be more excited! It was fun dressing up too, I hadn't done that in years! The holidays are def more fun with Sophia here (:

I heard that blogging can be somewhat therapeutic. Well, I need therapy. Or a spa day, that would be nice.

I'm bitter sometimes, man. I'm so angry about the fact that my ex's girlfriend is pregnant, and I'm so upset that it's a girl. What kind of crap is this? Life shouldn't be so unfair. After everything they've put me through, I don't feel like evil people like that should be blessed with that kind of happiness much less the privilege of being a parent. And really? She just had to have a girl!!? On top of having been so evil to me during my pregnancy, having her man by her side to go to all the doctor appointments, having her man by her side during the birth. On top of all that she's REALLY having a girl!!? I just can't get over it. I'm so angry that I'm alone, a single mother, a relatively good person, and even sleaze like her get blessings like that.

I'm tired of being lonely. And I'm tired of that bitch (there, I said it!) trying to one up me on everything. She stole her man back - I could handle that. She borderline stalked me during my pregnancy - I recovered. She got pregnant because she knew I was - it stung, but I came to terms. But I don't know if I can deal with this. I mean, do you single mothers out there understand how I feel or am I just crazy? Would you be upset if you were in my shoes?

I really shouldn't care. I mean, ex bf isn't Sophia's father (praise the heavens! -- not like her dad is much better, though) but he made such a terrible mark on my life and the both of them together were so evil to me that I was hoping that maybe, just MAYBE, some sort of poetic justice would be done. But nope. That's the price I pay for dating losers, and it's also the price I pay for living the lifestyle I used to. Living like that doesn't attract very wholesome people. Thank goodness I got my life together, but things from my past still sting nonetheless.

I think the main problem behind these feelings is that I had never been so emotionally involved with anyone before. And because of that he's still so prominent in my mind. I haven't had anybody who could replace him yet. I think that is what magnifies the hurt. Any other ex I could get over, because they didn't mean nearly as much to me. But he did, and being second best to him really, really sucked. It's something I still haven't fully recovered from. I need to work on that.

It just upsets me and honestly hurts my feelings that people like them get off so easily in life.

Know what I need? A hot shower, a cup of tea, a blanket and a movie. Oh, and for sleaze one and sleaze two to drop off the face of the earth. That would be nice.(:

There! There's my rant and now I have all of that negativity out of my system! And I can focus on snuggling up to my sweet baby who is simply too wonderful for words! Whew! They were right, blogging is super therapeutic (; highly recommend it!

Being a Single Mom is Hard When...

• It's hours past your baby's bedtime, she won't stop screaming, you have a massive headache, and all you need is a BREAK. But there's no one there to relieve you, because, well, you're a single mom.
• You see baby daddy (or, in my case, sperm donor) having the time of his life being as irresponsible as he can be, not a care in the world, because he doesn't have the balls to admit he has a child.
• You see your ex-boyfriend and his pregnant girlfriend, who made your life a living hell during the first half of your pregnancy, together, seemingly happy, and you think to yourself "Why does she have her baby daddy standing by her side, and I did not?". 
• Or, for that matter, when you see any happy couple with their little one. And it breaks your heart because you know you can't give your daughter a complete family, yet.
• Those times when your child does something amazing (which is like every day) and you wish the guy who helped you create that child was there to enjoy the moment with you.
• When you're lonely. Period.
• When everyone around you is getting married. 

 Being a single mom is freakin' awesome when...

• You know you don't have to share this special little person with someone you're not even with, or even like.
• The ass hole who did help you create your little one isn't in your daughter's life, and therefore he can't do anything to hurt her.
• You have complete control over how she is parented, no fighting with BD.
• When everytime she looks at you, and her whole face lights up, you know that look is meant only for you.
• Those nights when it's hours past her bedtime, she won't stop screaming, you have a massive headache, and you're so glad that on top of everything, you don't have a lazy BD sound asleep in the next room while you're putting in all the work.
• When you're lonely and you want to snuggle, and there's a presh little baby who loves nothing more than to snuggle up to her mama in the middle of the night.
• When you see couples fighting, and you think "I am so glad I don't have to deal with that boy drama on top of everything else I have going on."
• When you realize that yeah, the pregnant girl has your ex-boyfriend standing by her side when you didn't have that, but that's okay. Because they both drew the short stick in life, and they deserve what they got when they chose each other.
• When you realize that no, your daughter doesn't have a dad right now. But that's okay, because it's better to wait for an amazing man to come into the picture than to settle. Because your daughter deserves the best, and only the best.

Being a single mom is hard. But damn, I love it!

And on that note.. 

Little Munchkin Got a Pumpkin!

Yesterday at Swore Farms, while we were lost in the corn maze, my mom and sisters got Sophia the cutest baby pumpkin from the patch! Seriously, it's the cutest pumpkin ever. So today, we brought it in from the car and placed it in front of her. Her eyes immediately lit up with that sweet awe and wonder little babies get. I placed it in her outstretched arms and what did she do with it? Put it up to her mouth of course! Because if it looks pretty or makes noise, we must taste it. What's so cool, too, is that since she was a newborn, orange has seemed to be the color she enjoys the most. So I think the color of the pumpkin as well as the fact that it's something new just appeals to her so much. Watching her play with that pumpkin is so fun! Her eyes and face just light up with surprise and amusement as she rolls it back and forth. How fun is it to watch little children learn and grow? I just love it. Now I have to decide what fun things we're going to do to that pumpkin!